I’ve been feeling convicted over the past few weeks about this title. Asking myself, probing inside of my soul for the answer… I know I should be directing this question to the one I’m asking, but somehow, I feel somewhat unworthy and not fit enough to ask Him this. Maybe because I’m a little wary or downright terrified of what His answer will be.

A few weeks ago, I gave some advice to a student of mine about finding out who God was to her. I specifically told her to spend some time and just direct this simple question to heaven. “Dear God, it’s me… I’ve heard about you from many people. They say you’re real to them but frankly, I’ve never really known you. So today, I’m asking you to reveal yourself to me.” I even promised that He would show Himself to her if her heart was determined to find Him.

Sad thing was I didn’t take my own advice often. In fact, it’s been a while since I’ve really had an encounter with him. Last time I really ‘felt’ God was in college, in the days when I had NO choice but to depend FULLY on him. What happened to those humble times. I think of the passage that says “If my people will humble themselves and seek my face, I will hear from heaven and heal their land,” it makes me tremble. Simply because I know that I’m either not humble enough or I don’t seek his FACE as I should. It’d be cowardly of me to say that my lack of humility to seek His face is because I have a job now, I have more responsibilities. If that were the case, however, tell me why busier people are able to experience the power of God so incredibly.

I tremble at the sight of women and men who are so passionate, so driven by the fact that God exists to them, not because of their belief but because He has revealed himself to them. I’m envious when people say that God has shown himself to them. I ask myself, ‘Now wait a minute… Why won’t that happen to me?’ Then I clamp my mouth shut. I know the answer. It’s staring at me in front of my face. I’m scared, I’m lazy, I’m worried, I’m distracted. It all boils down to one simple truth. Excuses. It’s such a heavy word, a heavy burden that plagues me. A thorn in my flesh. I have to make an excuse for even my faith? An excuse for the fact that I have not experienced God as I ought?

Today, I was convicted yet again. I told myself this: I don’t want to wait until 10 years to get my faith, my relationship with God correct. People might ask, “Oh is it because if your relationship with God is not right, you can’t get anything you want, like a husband or a great career or children?” Nah… The answer is, I don’t want to waste 10 years missing an awesome relationship with God. I don’t want a shallow view of the One who created me, the One who sent His Son in my place on Calvary, the One who calls me one of His beloved children.

A man said that it is until we seek Him with our whole heart, until we dig deeper than what we are… That’s when God will show up. We can cry until tomorrow for Him to reveal Himself to us, but it is until our whole heart is COMPLETELY immersed in knowing Him, that’s when He’ll show up and reveal Himself.

So with that said… I am set on kneeling down, even if it’s for five hours or five days, praying and seeking Him completely until He shows up.

Let me start again. Dear God, it’s me… Are you there? If you are, please show up.