Still a bit strange to go on facebook and search for Jennifer, knowing that her last post was on the 3rd of November and that she will never post any more funny, quirky comments on people’s pictures or walls. I’m a little peaked now that this day is the week anniversary of her death. It’s a long journey in mourning. For many of her family and friends, this is another week without her and it’s just so very excruciating and painful. I cannot even imagine what is happening with the ones she held closest to her heart. Only God knows and will comfort them in His ultimate wisdom. Still, it hurts to think she won’t sing “Better is One Day in Your Courts” or “Your Love is Deep…” anymore.

Today was the third day of my new change and I came to another epiphany. Before now, I used to wonder about my future–especially about the man God will reveal in his wisdom to me as the spouse for me. I used to think and wonder when God would bring him and would I be prepared. Now my focus is a little different and I understand the advice that one should focus their whole attention and being on SERVING GOD, dedicating ALL to HIM and in due time, if it is in His will, He will reveal the spouse for you. I realize that my new desire is to accomplish my goals on earth, telling others about God’s love and salvation–as well as deliberately loving others with all that I am.

I had a scare today and left me a bit anxious and jittery. The nurse called me today about my results and I’m just believing God for a miracle–that it’s just an attack from the devil and that GOD will refute the devil’s plans immediately. In any case, I am in God’s hands and know that no matter what happens… He will use me as a vessel for his doing, a vassal for his purpose.

At the beginning of my day, I read Psalm 112:

Praise the LORD!
How blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
Who greatly delights in His commandments.
His descendants will be mighty on earth;
The generation of the upright will be blessed.
Wealth and riches are in his house,
And his righteousness endures forever.
Light arises in the darkness for the upright;
He is gracious and compassionate and righteous.
It is well with the man who is gracious and lends;
He will maintain his cause in judgment.
For he will never be shaken;
The righteous will be remembered forever.
He will not fear evil tidings;
His heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
His heart is upheld, he will not fear,
Until he looks with satisfaction on his adversaries.
He has given freely to the poor,
His righteousness endures forever;
His horn will be exalted in honor.
The wicked will see it and be vexed,
He will gnash his teeth and melt away;
The desire of the wicked will perish.

It gives me comfort to know that a man who trusts in the Lord and fears Him “will never be shaken… that he will have no fear of bad news,” whether it is even death or sickness. We know that Jesus already conquered death that day he rose again after being buried up to three days. The heart of a man who fears the Lord will be “steadfast, trusting in the Lord… is secure and will have no fear.” Because “in the end, he will look in triumph on his foes,” especially and including the devil.

Be encouraged!