Today on my walk, I decided to leave my ipod behind (probably because I misplaced the headphones or the fact that I didn’t want to be distracted in my talk with God). Either way, I began my walk when I got an image revealed to me while I spoke to the Lord. When I think of grieving and mourning, I am reminded by a butterfly and a larva.

A larva is enclosed in this hardened shell and it struggles against it as it grows inside. The struggles are painful to the larva, excruciating suffering inflicted on the poor creature that if a passerby noticed, it might feel sorry and want to free the caged insect. But this is all part of God’s plan for that larva… to go through that suffering so that it can become strong and break from the cage eventually to become a beautiful butterfly. Same thing goes for mourning… The Lord heals in a process. It starts out with us denying the truth of a loss. Then anger that something could possibly be lost. Then despair at the fact that there is a loss. Then a breakdown where the loss becomes so clear in the mind and that this loss can never be replaced. Then the healing… The denial, the anger, the despair, the breakdown and realization are all part of the healing process. If we skip the anger and the despair and the denial, if we are rescued from the hardened shell too early, we might miss out what God wants us to learn there. We might miss out on the strength that God has for us there.

Yesterday, I began my new journey–my decision to live and love deliberately. And I came to the realization today that the devil is such a whining punk. Really, he hates when we take grieving and still praise God, still dedicate our lives to him instead of wallowing in the dark and forgetting God. He hates it when we decide to surrender ourselves to God. Yesterday, I started out with getting rid of selfishness and coldness. Most times, I don’t seek people out to greet them or show them much compassion. My philosophy was ‘if they want to talk to me, they’ll come to me.’ I realize that “me” was too much in my philosophy, in my way of living… much more than Jesus, love and others.

I made up a blog yesterday to account for my new life, my new decision to live and love deliberately. And this blog will keep accountability of the change that I so desperately need in my life. I want God to use me as a willing vessel for his work.

But anyway, like I was saying… The devil decided to attack me with guilt and self-depreciation yesterday night through a series of dreams and images. I was so disgusted with myself and thought, ‘God how can I possibly do what you want me to do with all this going on inside of me…’ Then I remembered a scripture that was read during a friend’s memorial service about her life and how she fully surrendered all, despite her past. The scripture, Romans 8: 1-4 reads:

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.”

Because we are free from condemnation, let us walk in the Spirit of God and do the Will of God, following the purpose He has for us. I turn a deaf ear to the devil’s accusations, especially if I have confessed my sins and choose to live in Christ, I am a new creature and that the old things have passed away and I have become new in Christ. I rejoice that I can do His will and strive to be a better child of God, spreading his good news to the world. That He loves YOU!

Be Blessed.