Healing

When I think of healing, I imagine a one-of-a-kind masterpiece that is damaged slightly or severely. You, who owns this masterpiece are distraught at its condition and don’t know what to do. From town, you’ve heard about a specialist who repairs things and has been rumored to mend masterpieces. Except that yours is a one-of-a-kind and you’re not sure if he can fix it since he’s never fixed another of its kind.

Still, you’ve heard of his success with other masterpieces and go to visit. The specialist looks at the masterpiece, studying it carefully, turning it over and over. He’s puzzled because of its unique design and is not sure how to fix it but tells you that even though this is new to him, he’s fixed many others that are like it. So he tries to repair it using the techniques he used for other masterpieces. Except that with yours, something isn’t the same as it was before it got broken. It’s as if the specialist just placed a bandaid or super glue on it. However, the masterpiece cannot function as it did before it broke.

You’ve overlooked something. Somewhere on the masterpiece is the label telling you who made the masterpiece. The artist or creator knows your masterpiece better than any specialist who has studied it and turning it over many times. The artist has placed his contact number somewhere on the box the masterpiece came in and all you have to do is call him to repair it for you. So even though your specialist has tried his best to fix it, you call the artist finally and he agrees to mend his masterpiece to you. Though it might take a while, you’re certain that the artist will be able to fix your masterpiece and once you’ve called him describing the problem, he’s able to repair and does so quicker and more effective than any specialist.

So what is the masterpiece? Your whole being (body, heart and mind). What is the problem? Sickness, disease, syndrome. The specialist? A doctor or any man-made remedy. The artist? GOD.

Instead of going to look for a specialist, call on GOD to mend your whole being. He will always repair it.

Love

When I think about love, I think of a room full of people with puzzle pictures that are only missing the connecting pieces. Some are frantically trying to finish their picture while some are just leisurely glancing around the room and checking out the pictures there, wondering which puzzle they will complete.

You’re one of those people walking around the room, glancing from left to right, front and back, minding your own business. When suddenly someone approaches you with their puzzle, asking if they could see it fits with yours. So maybe the picture they have is a bit different from yours but it wouldn’t hurt to try right? So you agree and start to fit your puzzle pieces together. Oops. Nope, no fit. You tell the person that it’s obvious that you’re not supposed to complete the same puzzle and move on.

Maybe you try with another person to fit your puzzle pictures together, you’ve learned a lesson that they should at least have a similar design and theme to their picture before you try it out. Oops. Nope, still no correct fit even if the design is similar. Then oh my! Across the room, you see one puzzle that has the same picture as you! Oh but you don’t know if the pieces will fit together but you CANNOT miss this chance so you go over and introduce yourself, asking if you could try and fit pieces together with theirs. They agree and you start to put the puzzle together. But no! It’s not working! Although some pieces fit perfectly, there’s this one piece that just doesn’t go together. What on earth? You forcefully try to fit it, believing this has to be the right connecting puzzle. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work and the person says sorry, walking away to find another puzzle. You’re left with a bent and almost damaged puzzle.

Feeling a bit disillusioned, you trudge around the room with your debilitated puzzle and try not to notice the other puzzle pictures being matched perfectly and leaving the room. Then someone comes up to you with their puzzle asking if they can fit theirs with yours. You’re skeptical and frankly ready to give up. But this person has the same picture and the pieces look like they will fit. You hesitantly extend your puzzle and try to match it with theirs.

Even though all both one fit, including the troublesome piece that gave trouble for the last puzzle picture you hoped would match, because some of the pieces were damaged, it’s not a perfect fit but it is the right puzzle picture. If you had waited for this last person, the picture would’ve been completed perfectly. Still, this person is content that your picture fit well and you’re happy at the end. But your picture has a few bumps and torn parts…

So what’s the picture? God’s purpose for your life. What’s the puzzle pieces? Your character, your personality, your desires. What’s the room? The Universe. Who are the people in the room? Those walking in life with you. Who is the person with the perfect picture? The person God has for you to walk with you through life.

—

But this isn’t the end. Although your masterpiece has been compromised by your attempts to fix it on your own without the artist’s help at first, or your puzzle picture is a bit bent, there is an extraordinary gift called grace. Once your masterpiece has been repaired by the artist, he makes it new completely as if it was never broken or altered by the specialist. When your picture has been completed, there is congratulations given to you and the person who stands with you at the very end. You have done your work well and God gives you this grace freely if we just trust Him completely.

Oh man. Impatience is a thorn in my flesh these days… I can’t seem to practice the part about love being patient and kind very well. It’s a problem that needs to be resolved if I’m going to work at this change.

So yesterday, my mamie and I went to DPS office and wow, that place is a true test of patience, folks. The people have the biggest attitude problems on the face of this earth, walking around with chips on their shoulders 24-7. I couldn’t believe how rude they were–to even this elderly man who didn’t hear what they were saying. This particular woman kept barking orders and I prayed my mother wouldn’t get her because it might not turn out too pretty. Thankfully we were assigned to this nice police officer who handled the business with professionalism. And the queue… so incredibly long–just to change your license picture? Eesh.

Another test of patience… Siblings. My oh my. So hard to deal with, being patient. God, help me with this cross that I bear. To hold onto 1 Corinthians 13.

“If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.”

Today… The test is showing patience at all cost! At home, at the office, at school and even on the road!

Have a blessed day!

Not much to write about yet. Perhaps at the end of the day, I’ll write another post. Just wanted to highlight a very important passage in the Bible that will be my standard for this new change in me. Ephesians 4:17-32.

“And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They’ve refused for so long to deal with God that they’ve lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can’t think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion.

But that’s no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.

Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.

Did you use to make ends meet by stealing? Well, no more! Get an honest job so that you can help others who can’t work.

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted.

Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.”

Like my dad always says, ‘these words are enough for the wise‘… Let me go chew on this for the time being. Have a blessed day.

Still a bit strange to go on facebook and search for Jennifer, knowing that her last post was on the 3rd of November and that she will never post any more funny, quirky comments on people’s pictures or walls. I’m a little peaked now that this day is the week anniversary of her death. It’s a long journey in mourning. For many of her family and friends, this is another week without her and it’s just so very excruciating and painful. I cannot even imagine what is happening with the ones she held closest to her heart. Only God knows and will comfort them in His ultimate wisdom. Still, it hurts to think she won’t sing “Better is One Day in Your Courts” or “Your Love is Deep…” anymore.

Today was the third day of my new change and I came to another epiphany. Before now, I used to wonder about my future–especially about the man God will reveal in his wisdom to me as the spouse for me. I used to think and wonder when God would bring him and would I be prepared. Now my focus is a little different and I understand the advice that one should focus their whole attention and being on SERVING GOD, dedicating ALL to HIM and in due time, if it is in His will, He will reveal the spouse for you. I realize that my new desire is to accomplish my goals on earth, telling others about God’s love and salvation–as well as deliberately loving others with all that I am.

I had a scare today and left me a bit anxious and jittery. The nurse called me today about my results and I’m just believing God for a miracle–that it’s just an attack from the devil and that GOD will refute the devil’s plans immediately. In any case, I am in God’s hands and know that no matter what happens… He will use me as a vessel for his doing, a vassal for his purpose.

At the beginning of my day, I read Psalm 112:

Praise the LORD!
How blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
Who greatly delights in His commandments.
His descendants will be mighty on earth;
The generation of the upright will be blessed.
Wealth and riches are in his house,
And his righteousness endures forever.
Light arises in the darkness for the upright;
He is gracious and compassionate and righteous.
It is well with the man who is gracious and lends;
He will maintain his cause in judgment.
For he will never be shaken;
The righteous will be remembered forever.
He will not fear evil tidings;
His heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
His heart is upheld, he will not fear,
Until he looks with satisfaction on his adversaries.
He has given freely to the poor,
His righteousness endures forever;
His horn will be exalted in honor.
The wicked will see it and be vexed,
He will gnash his teeth and melt away;
The desire of the wicked will perish.

It gives me comfort to know that a man who trusts in the Lord and fears Him “will never be shaken… that he will have no fear of bad news,” whether it is even death or sickness. We know that Jesus already conquered death that day he rose again after being buried up to three days. The heart of a man who fears the Lord will be “steadfast, trusting in the Lord… is secure and will have no fear.” Because “in the end, he will look in triumph on his foes,” especially and including the devil.

Be encouraged!

Today on my walk, I decided to leave my ipod behind (probably because I misplaced the headphones or the fact that I didn’t want to be distracted in my talk with God). Either way, I began my walk when I got an image revealed to me while I spoke to the Lord. When I think of grieving and mourning, I am reminded by a butterfly and a larva.

A larva is enclosed in this hardened shell and it struggles against it as it grows inside. The struggles are painful to the larva, excruciating suffering inflicted on the poor creature that if a passerby noticed, it might feel sorry and want to free the caged insect. But this is all part of God’s plan for that larva… to go through that suffering so that it can become strong and break from the cage eventually to become a beautiful butterfly. Same thing goes for mourning… The Lord heals in a process. It starts out with us denying the truth of a loss. Then anger that something could possibly be lost. Then despair at the fact that there is a loss. Then a breakdown where the loss becomes so clear in the mind and that this loss can never be replaced. Then the healing… The denial, the anger, the despair, the breakdown and realization are all part of the healing process. If we skip the anger and the despair and the denial, if we are rescued from the hardened shell too early, we might miss out what God wants us to learn there. We might miss out on the strength that God has for us there.

Yesterday, I began my new journey–my decision to live and love deliberately. And I came to the realization today that the devil is such a whining punk. Really, he hates when we take grieving and still praise God, still dedicate our lives to him instead of wallowing in the dark and forgetting God. He hates it when we decide to surrender ourselves to God. Yesterday, I started out with getting rid of selfishness and coldness. Most times, I don’t seek people out to greet them or show them much compassion. My philosophy was ‘if they want to talk to me, they’ll come to me.’ I realize that “me” was too much in my philosophy, in my way of living… much more than Jesus, love and others.

I made up a blog yesterday to account for my new life, my new decision to live and love deliberately. And this blog will keep accountability of the change that I so desperately need in my life. I want God to use me as a willing vessel for his work.

But anyway, like I was saying… The devil decided to attack me with guilt and self-depreciation yesterday night through a series of dreams and images. I was so disgusted with myself and thought, ‘God how can I possibly do what you want me to do with all this going on inside of me…’ Then I remembered a scripture that was read during a friend’s memorial service about her life and how she fully surrendered all, despite her past. The scripture, Romans 8: 1-4 reads:

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.”

Because we are free from condemnation, let us walk in the Spirit of God and do the Will of God, following the purpose He has for us. I turn a deaf ear to the devil’s accusations, especially if I have confessed my sins and choose to live in Christ, I am a new creature and that the old things have passed away and I have become new in Christ. I rejoice that I can do His will and strive to be a better child of God, spreading his good news to the world. That He loves YOU!

Be Blessed.

… >> post transported from livejournalaccount <<

All this time, I have been wondering to myself why I even opened a LiveJournal account but after the live-changing event that happened this week, I am now sure what this will be. A journal that accounts for the changes I will make in my life from henceforth.

Sounds like a tall order… But I’m very prepared and even more inspired by my brother’s life and Jennifer’s life. This life is too short to not live in God’s purpose. I must achieve what He’s sent me to this earth to do. With that said, I’m off to set some priorities and clean house.

For where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth. I am once again reminded of this psalm, this cry to the Lord… Twice.

Death has plagued me again this week and it’s still as painful as it was six years ago with my brother. This time, I find myself being reminded once again how short life is… How banal my life has been until now. How purposeful my life will become now. The life that has faded away this week, touched me more than I thought possible.

Seeing someone you thought would always be around to smile at you… to tease you for being too serious… To see that person who has such a vibrant beam in her eyes now lying amid cotton and painted wood, immobile in a box with her hands folded and her eyes closed impassively, her lips slack and her once-smooth blushing skin just slack… It makes me weep painfully. I promised never to look at a person I admired and care for like this, not wanting to remember them in such a fashion. After my brother, I swore to myself never to go to another wake for someone I cared for. Then there was this perverse curiosity that came over me, wanting to go over to the coffin and look down at her, waiting for her to blink those long blond lashes and look up at me with her smoky blue eyes. To give me that strange expression that says ‘what’s your problem now, Dee?” and rise up from the coffin.

It didn’t happen and the more I stood there, wishing a finger would stir or her cheek would twitch, nothing. Nothing. Just like six years ago when my brother’s waxen face refused to move as we stared at him, as we whispered his name to wake him up. I hate death so much. I hate the empty, void feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, at the very core of your heart–even for a woman that I never shared my life with, I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself just because her light, her life is no longer in mine.

Death is a surreal feeling at first. The thought that you are staring at the immobile form of someone who you just saw yesterday or the day before, or even a MONTH before, thinking in your mind that you will see them at the next big event–the next family event… And they never show. They’ll never show. You won’t hear their laughter clear across the hall, you won’t see those vibrant blue eyes gleaming with joy and explosive happiness! It pains me everytime I think about how death came and stole the many precious moments we could have had with her.

On my facebook profile, I wrote that I wish I had ONE MORE day to appreciate you. You’d think after six years of regretting not saying words of love to my brother, that I’d spend those six years appreciating EVERYONE. Yet here I am again. Regretting. Ashamed of myself for not telling this woman that she meant a million words to me. That her easy-going smile, her faceless love and her undeniable charm and passion for people really inspired and touched me deeply. The way she LOVED people… I never said thank you, or that I admired her very much. It pains me that it’s taking me another death to realize this.

Another thing this has taught me is to LOVE, to SPEAK words of love and truth into the lives of EVERYONE I come in contact with. This woman lived without regrets and as our pastor said… She LIVED a DELIBERATE life of love for ALL people she came in contact with. Even if she didn’t particularly care for your attitude or behavior, she LOVED… LOVED… LOVED!

I pray that I will not forget this AGAIN and start living deliberately in love. Start living deliberately in truth. Start living deliberately in CHRIST. Father God, help us.

Missing you more than you know, Jennifer Fleenor Usanga.

Rest in the arms of your Lord and Savior. When I see you in heaven along with my brother, believe that I will say these words to you there. I love you.

This week, I am reminded of the famous saying that “you do not appreciate something until you have lost it.” As life is concerned, you do not miss something until it’s gone. Death. A word most people know and shudder at the thought of it affecting them. Again, death has come to remind us that it is not gone forever. It has not disappeared with the one before. When your life begins again after a long process of grieving, death comes in like a flood to attack your mind, your spirit and your body.

This week, I was reminded of death’s painful grip on a person’s heart. When someone who is loved, appreciated and cherished by many people has suddenly left the world without a word of goodbye, I am left again with the nagging regret that I did not let this person know how much I appreciated them. A light snuffed out in the dark, the warmth fading in the cold… leaving an unbalanced mix of despair and hope.

But in I Thessalonians 4:13-18, it says…

And regarding the question, friends, that has come up about what happens to those already dead and buried, we don’t want you in the dark any longer. First off, you must not carry on over them like people who have nothing to look forward to, as if the grave were the last word. Since Jesus died and broke loose from the grave, God will most certainly bring back to life those who died in Jesus.

And then this: We can tell you with complete confidence—we have the Master’s word on it—that when the Master comes again to get us, those of us who are still alive will not get a jump on the dead and leave them behind. In actual fact, they’ll be ahead of us. The Master himself will give the command. Archangel thunder! God’s trumpet blast! He’ll come down from heaven and the dead in Christ will rise—they’ll go first. Then the rest of us who are still alive at the time will be caught up with them into the clouds to meet the Master. Oh, we’ll be walking on air! And then there will be one huge family reunion with the Master. So reassure one another with these words.

Just as my brother, Tonbara, has gone to be with his Creator and Savior, so has this beautiful light who left the world for her eternal reward in Heaven. We who are left behind, should anticipate the day we too will go up to meet with them and rejoice that we are together again.

We miss and love you Jennifer. Rest in the arms of your savior.