Ever felt like you’ve wronged some people and can’t figure out how to fix it? Feel this burden weighing over your shoulders, a tight grip over your heart that refuses to let go?

I wouldn’t call it depression but there’s a despair within me that seems to be holding me down. Like I’ve failed at the one thing I’m supposed to work at in my life. Being a good friend. I’ve been hurt before and I never really wondered what that person felt when they realized what they’d done. Now I do and it hurts like getting shot or punched in the gut. It’s a different kind of pain–one that you cannot complain to have been inflicted with, simply because you deserved it.

So what happens when your whole day or week is filled with this overwhelming feeling of guilt and despair, constantly asking yourself, “what should I have done differently? Where did I go wrong? What did I say or didn’t say or do?”

It’s gotten to the point where I want to turn off the computer and relapse to that stage I was at in my life where friends didn’t matter as much as family or what I wanted for myself. Of course God is always number one and right now, trusting him to heal the heart of the person I’ve harmed is my only prayer. Perhaps the guilt is to be a permanent reminder of what I should no do to anyone.

Certainly a lesson for the wise. Don’t ever find yourself to busy to take care of those you call friends. You don’t appreciate the feeling of warmth and acceptance until it’s gone. Trust me, it’s not a good feeling without it.