Putting on my gloves. I’m ready to fight. Fight!

Alright, today, I checked my grades for school and was sorely disappointed. Not at the grades itself but me. I feel like this semester has been a slacking off semester. I spend more time on the computer for personal stuff than for school. What happened, Dee?

So I set up this table for myself this morning, something I always do after the second test of each class, just to see where I stand and how hard I need to work in order to get my desired grade. It helps me know what needs to happen. Whether I can relax or completely tighten up and get the grade I need. So, I made up the table and I calculated how much time I will spend on the computer. Sadly, it’s not a lot considering I just got a job and that already leaves little time for personal life. The little time I have will be focused on getting back to the basics of my spirituality as a Christian, connecting better with my family and of course school.

Of course, considering I have responsibilities in my forum, I can’t totally go M.I.A. on them, so I will be spending most of my time there. However, contests on other forums and even my story is thrown against the background, until this semester is over. This is by far the hardest, most challenging semester and playing around is definitely not an option.

Read the rest of this entry »

Wow… Finally, my cousin and I went to Best Buy and visited the trusty Geek Squad. That means, my computer received a new power supply (not free) and is now back in business. Boy, it feels good to be back.

However, after these few days of limited computer access, I realized something that I needed to change in my life. This morning, as I was reading my morning devotions, I noticed how much time I really spent on my computer when it worked. It seemed as though my days were a little longer and nothing got done while I sat on my derriere in front of this blaring screen, just surfing the Internet as well as managing my forum. I couldn’t even bring myself to count the never-ending hours of computer time because it made me sick, and penitent.

While my computer was on vacation, I actually had more time to read my Bible, talk to my family and study properly. What a shocking surprise, eh? And I got to sleep a few hours earlier just because I wasn’t spending my free time surfing the Internet. My Papie* even joked that this time of drought was good for me and now I totally agree. I think I might start to take more breaks off the computer.

So as I read my devotion, this passage from Oswald Chambers touched me… Made me think.

Lift up your eyes on high, and see who has created these things . . . —Isaiah 40:26

The people of God in Isaiah’s time had blinded their minds’ ability to see God by looking on the face of idols. But Isaiah made them look up at the heavens; that is, he made them begin to use their power to think and to visualize correctly. If we are children of God, we have a tremendous treasure in nature and will realize that it is holy and sacred. We will see God reaching out to us in every wind that blows, every sunrise and sunset, every cloud in the sky, every flower that blooms, and every leaf that fades, if we will only begin to use our blinded thinking to visualize it.

The real test of spiritual focus is being able to bring your mind and thoughts under control. Is your mind focused on the face of an idol? Is the idol yourself? Is it your work? Is it your idea of what a servant should be, or maybe your experience of salvation and sanctification? If so, then your ability to see God is blinded. You will be powerless when faced with difficulties and will be forced to endure in darkness. If your power to see has been blinded, don’t look back on your own experiences, but look to God. It is God you need. Go beyond yourself and away from the faces of your idols and away from everything else that has been blinding your thinking. Wake up and accept the ridicule that Isaiah gave to his people, and deliberately turn your thoughts and your eyes to God.

I’m going to leave that to mull for a moment… I don’t want my computer to be an idol in my life. This life is too short to focus my attention on something that I cannot take with me to heaven. There are more important things in life and it’s my duty to fix my priorities and my time.

Have a happy Sunday.

Back in the day, I never even cared what computers were all about. Who cared if they broke down for the millenium? It was better anyway, for people to get off computers and just spend “quality time” with their families. I never understood how people could get so stressed out about how many gigabytes their computers contained, or what the latest feature could provide for their gadgets… I laughed at those who literarily tore their hair out when a virus hit their computer or their files mysteriously erased. To me, worrying about a metal item was nonsensical.

That was until I owned one and found myself becoming anal about what I put in mine. I made sure I kept a mental inventory of what entered the computer and what left it. If the program was not beneficial to the computer or me, I didn’t install it. If I checked my mail and noticed an unfamiliar message sender, I deleted it fearing a virus download.

A friend once said that to her, the computer was like her right hand. At first, I didn’t really comprehend what that meant but now that I have a computer that has all my documents, my personal info, my stories, I know exactly what she means.

Last night, I found myself pacing my room, looking around for something to do with myself. I called my family, whining about the lack of things I had with me in school. Because I had my “trusty” computer, I felt no need to own a tv or a gamebox, I had all I needed in my dear e-machine box. Hah! Boy was I wrong. Now that my once “trusty” computer gave up on life and keeled over, I realized how important other things like books, my bass guitar, were for times like this.

I’ve never been so lonely as I was last night sitting there, studying for my next test and wondering what kind of study break I’d have. Even as I studied, I realized that some of the words needed Wikipedia to help me study. Yeah, well, without my computer, that was not possible at all, which made me even more annoyed with myself.

I remember when the year 2000 was rolling in and there was this scare that all the computers were going to break down, as if the world was about to end. Amazing how nothing crucial happened. Well, just recently heard that all computers will be shutting down around the beginning of March…

I guess, all things happen for a reason. Seems like my computer got the memo and decided to take an early vacation. Thanks…

Well, better get back to my books. Till next time.

So you think maybe after a few times of helping someone out, the favor will be returned… Wrong. You lend a hand and when it’s your turn, you’re turned down instead of being helped or lifted up.

Yeah. Time and time again, I see things like this happen to good people who believe in reaping what you sow. I’m a firm believer of that and I choose to lend a hand or be generous. It gets discouraging when the favor isn’t returned. I’m not going to sit here and whine because that is not necessary. I’m all about affirmative action. When you want something done, you have to do it yourself and fast. Don’t sit around waiting for someone to help you with it because most times, it never gets done.

So… My computer is once again not responding for the third day in a row and I’m at this point, ready to buy another one. I’ve heard from a couple of my friends who recommend laptops and I’m already starting to dream of one. Hah, we’ll see what the parents say about that one, considering my little sister is about to graduate from high school. But yeah, wishful thinking.

About reaping what you sow, it’s a good principle everyone should live by. One should not always expect to be given something if they are not willing to give in return. Not only is it a sign of bad character, it’s just wrong and unethical. Well, I’m not sure what the rules of society say but morally, it’s not right.

Society is all about “give me this, give me that…” But when they are asked to offer their aid, they say “I live for me…” or “Sorry, I can’t help you.” Or the worst part, ignore you completely and act like nothing’s wrong. What’s up with that?

Of course, it can get discouraging but in life, I’ve learned not to let people like that mess me up. I’m going to keep being generous and helpful in anyway I can because I don’t answer to society. I answer to God. When my life ends, God’s not going to ask me what I gave to the person I liked… He’s going to ask me if I gave to the person he loved, which is everyone. He knows no prejudice and even though some stingy folks reside in this planet, I will strive to show no prejudice either.

Merry Day to all.

Fed up… Tired, disgusted with computers. I’m not even joking at all. It seems that whenever we really need them to function, they do all they can to just annoy the mess out of us. Ha, even as I attempt to write this, the computer is protesting loudly. It takes patience and self-restraint to keep me from throwing this computer out the window.

Too bad it’s my roommate’s computer and mine’s sitting in the middle of my room, untouched and very much unloved. Good for it! For three days straight, that computer lying alone in my room has been causing me some serious trouble. If I wasn’t so frugal, I’d have thrown that piece of metal in the nearest dumpster. Too bad all my documents and files are stored there. I should’ve bought a jump drive.

So today, I come back from school, thinking I can easily turn on my computer like any other day and work on my lab report due tomorrow. Too bad my computer had other plans and decided to ditch me for a nap, a very long nap considering I left it off for the whole day. What in the world, right? I almost threw it across the room. Too bad my money, time and education is stored there.

Computers, computers… Funny thing is back in high school, I hardly cared for these things. I was okay writing by hand or rarely checking my email or whatnot. Now, I can barely do my homework by hand. I’d need the Internet for resources.

Wow… How times have changed. I hate having that excuse that “my computer doesn’t work so I couldn’t do this or I couldn’t do that…” It’s basically equivalent to “My dog ate my homework.” No one will listen to you even if it happened to them.

Thank God my roommate allowed me access to her computer for tonight. Man, oh man… How my computer has failed me terribly. It better thank its lucky stars that I’m too cheap to throw it out the window and get a new one. Saving grace…

Well, time’s slipping away too quickly and my P.Chem lab report awaits my return. Goodnight for now.

Wow… It’s been a long time since I wrote in this blog. I knew it’d be hard to keep a journal or diary. Ever since I was a little girl, I’d never succeeded in keeping a diary for more than a few weeks–not even a month. Hah, pathetic.

 Nonetheless, here I am again, updating this blog and not really knowing what the point is. Perhaps I might just permanently restrict it to writing my short stories, which I know I’ll always do. Anyway, since the last time I wrote in this blog, I mentioned that I really enjoy my work.

 Of course it’s a lot more challenging now but I still love it. I guess you could say it’s preparing me for Pharmacy Tech work which I hope to be doing really soon. School, of course, is another major priority and so far, so far… Heheh. Decided to break away from the cliched term there.

Life so far has been interesting. I recently read something that talked about us being in our own wilderness and what God will do with us in that wilderness. It depends on who you are and whether or not you believe in symbolism or realism. For me, I tried to see it past realism and came to the realization that my wilderness is where I am at right now.

My pastor mentioned to me when I went home last that I had unconsciously secluded myself from the everyday drama and you know what, I’m rather pleased about that observation. Back in the day (a few months ago), one could say that my whole existence revolved around drama–church drama, relationship drama, unnecessary drama and I was tired to be frank. It was leaving me stressed and depressed.

So my new year’s resolution was to escape it, to remove myself from always feeling so helpless, so tired, so depressed and you know what, I feel so much better. On the other hand, it does leave one in a personal wilderness that can somehow take away the joy of life. Then when I read about how God will use our personal wilderness experience to bring us back to him, I was so relieved, so grateful.

Now, instead of feeling like I’m so alone, so unwanted… I feel like I can have more time to get to talk with my Heavenly Father and know him more. Also, it’s a lot healthier for my heart and that’s always a welcomed benefit, is it not?

So when people ask me why I’m so reserved, so stoic… You know what I’m going to say? This is my personal wilderness and I’m liking it. Heheh, yeah, not too poetic but I’m sticking to it.

C’est tout.

My next post will probably be the next chapter of S.O.T.P.

A tout a l’heure.